Chapter 4: Beyond the Condom: SafER Oral Pleasure

Barriers for Oral Play Because Mouths Count Too

đź“‹ Session Overview

Duration: 60-75 minutes

Part: Part II - Sexual Barriers: Tools for Freedom

MATCH Connection: Tools (T)

🎯 Learning Objectives

đź’ˇ Key Concepts from the Ebook

📦 Materials Needed

🚀 Opening Activity (10 minutes)

Myth Busting: Oral Sex Edition

Purpose: Address common misconceptions about oral sex safety.

Instructions: Read statements, have participants vote TRUE or FALSE:

StatementAnswerExplanation
"Oral sex is completely safe" FALSE Many STIs can transmit through oral contact
"You can get HIV from oral sex" TRUE (but rare) Risk is low but not zero, especially with cuts/sores
"Gonorrhea can infect your throat" TRUE Throat gonorrhea is common from oral sex
"Dental dams are only for dentists" FALSE They're sexual health barriers for oral sex
"You can make a dental dam from a condom" TRUE Cut lengthwise and unroll = improvised dam

đź“š Core Content (30 minutes)

"Oral sex isn't 'risk-free,' no matter what people tell you. Barriers like dental dams and gloves turn risky fun into smarter fun. They're not mood-killers — they're props that can actually turn up the play."
"When people think of 'safER sex,' they usually picture penetrative acts. But HIV and other STIs can also be passed during oral sex. That's where barriers come in—tools designed to keep bodily fluids from crossing while still letting pleasure flow."

Part 1: Dental Dams (12 minutes)

From the ebook: "A dental dam is a thin sheet of latex or polyurethane placed between the mouth and genitals or anus."

How They Work:

  1. Lay it flat over the vulva or anus before oral sex
  2. Add a bit of water-based lube on the side that touches the skin to increase sensation
  3. Hold it in place with your hands or your mouth while exploring
✅ DOs ❌ DON'Ts
  • DO use a new one every time
  • DO check for holes or tears before use
  • DO store them in a cool, dry place
  • DO try flavored versions for more fun
  • DON'T flip it over and reuse
  • DON'T use oil-based lube (weakens latex)
  • DON'T stretch it too far (it can snap)

Pro Tip from the Ebook

Don't have a dental dam? Cut a condom or latex glove into a square—it works in a pinch.

How to make one:

  1. Take an unlubricated condom
  2. Cut off the tip and the base ring
  3. Cut lengthwise down one side
  4. Unroll into a flat square

Live Demonstration: DIY Dental Dam

Show participants how to create a dental dam from a condom. Have them practice with their own condoms and scissors. Emphasize this is a backup option—purpose-made dams are better but improvisation is useful.

Part 2: Gloves & Finger Cots (10 minutes)

From the ebook: "Hands can transmit infections too, especially when cuts or rough skin are involved. Latex or nitrile gloves (or small finger cots) add a layer of protection during fingering, fisting, or toy play."

Why Use Them:

  1. Prevents exchange of fluids through cuts, hangnails, or broken skin
  2. Reduces risk of passing infections like herpes or HPV through touch
  3. Keeps nails from scratching sensitive tissue

Bonus from the ebook: Add lube to the glove or cot for smoother sensation and less friction.

When to Use Gloves/Finger Cots

Part 3: Making Barriers Fun (Not Clinical) (8 minutes)

From the ebook: "The biggest misconception is that barriers kill pleasure. In reality, they can make things more playful."

Strategies from the ebook:

  1. Flavored barriers turn oral sex into dessert (strawberry, mint, chocolate)
  2. Gloves can feel erotic when paired with teasing or roleplay (medical play, dom/sub dynamics)
  3. Incorporating barriers signals respect and care—major turn-ons in healthy intimacy

Reframing the Conversation

Instead of: "We have to use this barrier"

Try: "I want to taste you safely so I can fully enjoy this"

Or: "Let me put this on so we can both relax"

Part 4: Why It Matters

"Oral sex isn't 'risk-free.' Gonorrhea, chlamydia, herpes, syphilis, HPV, and (rarely) HIV can spread this way. Using barriers turns 'risky fun' into safER fun."

STIs commonly transmitted through oral sex:

đź’¬ Discussion Questions (10 minutes)

Facilitate Group Discussion:

  1. Why do you think oral sex is often perceived as "safer" than it actually is?
    • Discuss: Media portrayal, lack of education, visibility of risk
  2. What are the biggest barriers (pun intended) to using dental dams or gloves during oral/manual sex?
    • Honest answers: Access, cost, awkwardness, sensation concerns
  3. How can we normalize barrier use for oral sex the same way we've normalized condoms for penetrative sex?
    • Ideas: Representation in media, free distribution, education
  4. What would you say to a partner who's never heard of dental dams?
    • Practice: Brief, positive explanation without shame

🎨 Interactive Activity (15 minutes)

Barrier Practice Station

Purpose: Build confidence through hands-on practice.

Set up 3 stations:

Station 1: Dental Dam Application

Station 2: DIY Dental Dam Creation

Station 3: Glove Application

Debrief: Which felt most comfortable? What surprised you? What questions remain?

🔄 Closing & Reflection (10 minutes)

Chapter 4 Takeaway

"Barriers for oral and manual play are a sign of respect for your partner's health and your own. They are not mood-killers; they are pleasure-enhancers."

Quick Reference

Barrier TypeUsed ForKey Tip
Dental Dam Oral-vulva, oral-anal contact Add lube on skin side for sensation
Gloves Fingering, fisting, toy sharing Choose nitrile for latex allergies
Finger Cots Single-finger protection Great for cuts/hangnails on one finger

Reflection Prompt:

"What's one way you could incorporate barriers into oral/manual sex to make it feel fun instead of clinical?"

Take-Home Challenge

Give participants dental dams, gloves, or info on where to get them free. Challenge:

đź“Ś Preview Next Session

Next: Chapter 5: Lube & Toys—because pleasure and protection go hand in hand. We'll explore the three types of lube, compatibility with barriers, and keeping toys safe and sexy.

Resources to Share

HARNESS Curriculum | Chapter 4 Complete Lesson Plan

© Christopher Zacharie | Fearless, Aware, and Protected