Chapter 5: Lube & Toys

Pleasure and protection go hand in hand

📋 Session Overview

Duration: 60-75 minutes

Part: Part II - Sexual Barriers: Tools for Freedom

MATCH Connection: Tools (T)

🎯 Learning Objectives

💡 Key Concepts from the Ebook

📦 Materials Needed

🚀 Opening Activity (10 minutes)

Lube Myths: Fact or Fiction?

Purpose: Break down stigma and misinformation about lubrication.

StatementAnswerExplanation
"Needing lube means something's wrong with you" FICTION Bodies naturally vary in lubrication; lube enhances pleasure for everyone
"All lube is basically the same" FICTION Three types have very different uses and compatibility
"You can use Vaseline with condoms" FICTION (Dangerous!) Oil-based products weaken latex in seconds = breakage
"Lube reduces STI transmission risk" FACT Reduces friction and micro-tears that allow infection entry
"Silicone toys can't be used with silicone lube" FACT Silicone lube degrades silicone toy material

Debrief: Discuss where these myths come from and why accurate info matters.

📚 Core Content (30 minutes)

"Lube isn't just for when things get dry. It is a vital tool for safER sex that prevents friction, reduces the risk of condom breakage, and makes everything feel better. Toys are not just for solo play; they are excellent tools for exploring pleasure with a partner, and they need to be protected and cleaned just like any other part of your safER sex routine."

Part 1: Lube - Your Best Friend in SafER Sex (15 minutes)

"Think of lube as the unsung hero of your sex life. It's not a sign of failure; it's a sign of intelligence and a commitment to pleasure."

Why Lube Matters (from the ebook):

  1. Reduces Friction: Less friction means less chance of micro-tears in the skin or condom, which are potential entry points for STIs
  2. Prevents Condom Breakage: A dry condom is a weak condom. Lube keeps the latex strong and elastic
  3. Enhances Pleasure: Sex should feel good. Lube makes it smoother, easier, and more enjoyable for everyone involved

The Three Types of Lube

Lube Type Best For NEVER Use With Quick Tip
Water-Based Condoms, toys, all types of sex Nothing, it's universally safe Reapply often, as it dries out quickly
Silicone-Based Water play, anal sex, long sessions Silicone toys (it degrades them) Very slick and lasts a long time
Oil-Based Massage, external play Latex condoms (it breaks them down) Only use with non-latex barriers

⚠️ THE GOLDEN RULE (from the ebook):

"If you are using a latex condom, stick to water- or silicone-based lube. NEVER use oil-based products like Vaseline, baby oil, or cooking oil—they can compromise the integrity of the condom in seconds."

🔬 Live Demonstration: Oil + Latex = DANGER

Show what happens when oil touches latex:

  1. Take a latex condom and stretch it to show elasticity
  2. Apply a small amount of oil-based product (cooking oil, Vaseline)
  3. Within 60 seconds, the latex becomes brittle and weak
  4. Stretch again to show how easily it tears

Key message: This is why we NEVER mix oil with latex. It's not about preference—it's about safety.

Facilitator Tips for Teaching Lube

Part 2: Toys - Playtime with Protection (15 minutes)

"Whether you're using a vibrator, a dildo, or a butt plug, toys are part of your sex life, and they need to be treated with the same safER sex care as your body."

Toy Safety Checklist (from the ebook):

Safety Step Why It Matters
✓ Clean Before and After Use dedicated toy cleaner or mild soap and warm water. Bacteria can hide in crevices.
✓ Use a Barrier for Penetration If a toy goes from one partner to another (or one orifice to another on same person), use a NEW condom each time
✓ Check Material Non-porous materials (silicone, glass, metal) = safe. Porous materials (jelly rubber) = harbor bacteria, nearly impossible to clean

Toy Materials Guide

Material Safety Rating Notes
Medical-Grade Silicone ✓ BEST Non-porous, easy to clean, hypoallergenic, can be boiled
Borosilicate Glass ✓ BEST Non-porous, temperature play, beautiful, sterilizable
Stainless Steel ✓ BEST Non-porous, weight/pressure play, sterilizable
Hard Plastic (ABS) ⚠ OK Non-porous but can scratch; inspect regularly
Jelly Rubber ✗ AVOID Porous, harbors bacteria, contains phthalates, can't be fully cleaned
PVC/Vinyl ✗ AVOID Porous, may contain harmful chemicals

Teaching Tip: The Condom-on-Toy Demo

Show participants how to put a condom on a dildo/vibrator. Emphasize:

💬 Discussion Questions (10 minutes)

Facilitate Group Discussion:

  1. Why do you think there's stigma around using lube?
    • Explore: Myths about "natural" wetness, gender assumptions, inadequacy fears
  2. What's the biggest mistake people make with lube?
    • Answer: Using oil-based with latex, not using enough, using expired lube
  3. How do we make toy hygiene as normalized as washing our hands?
    • Discuss: Education, accessibility of cleaners, de-stigmatizing ownership
  4. What's one question about toys you've always wanted to ask but felt too embarrassed?
    • Create brave space for anonymous questions (use index cards)

🎨 Interactive Activity (15 minutes)

Lube & Toy Matching Game

Purpose: Reinforce compatibility knowledge through active learning.

Setup: Create cards with scenarios. Participants match correct lube type and toy care.

Sample Scenarios:

Scenario Correct Answer
Using a latex condom for penetrative sex Water-based or Silicone-based lube
Shower sex with silicone dildo Water-based lube (silicone lube would degrade toy)
Sensual massage before sex Oil-based OK for massage, switch to water/silicone before barriers
Sharing a glass toy between partners Clean thoroughly + new condom OR boil between uses
Anal play with long session Silicone-based lube (lasts longer, less reapplication)

Alternative Activity: "Lube Lab" - Let participants feel different lube textures on their hands (water, silicone, oil) to understand differences. Discuss which would be best for different scenarios.

🔄 Closing & Reflection (10 minutes)

Chapter 5 Takeaway

"Lube and toys are essential parts of a pleasure-focused, safER sex life. Don't let a lack of lubrication or a dirty toy be the thing that introduces risk. Prioritize pleasure, and protection will follow."

Quick Reference: Lube Compatibility Chart

Using... Safe Lubes NEVER Use
Latex condom Water, Silicone Oil
Polyurethane condom All types OK —
Silicone toy Water, Oil Silicone
Glass/Metal toy All types OK —

Reflection Prompt:

"What's one change you'll make to how you use lube or care for toys after today?"

Take-Home Challenge

📌 Preview Next Session

Next: Part III - Medical Shields: Science as a Wingman

Starting with Chapter 6: PrEP: Prevention in a Pill—the medical game-changer with >99% effectiveness when taken consistently. We'll explore how PrEP works, who should consider it, and how to get started.

Resources to Share

HARNESS Curriculum | Chapter 5 Complete Lesson Plan

© Christopher Zacharie | Fearless, Aware, and Protected