How to Talk About STI Testing With a New Partner (Without the Awkwardness)

Let's be honest: talking about STI testing with a new partner can feel awkward. But it doesn't have to be. In fact, with the right approach, this conversation can actually build trust and demonstrate that you're a responsible, caring sexual partner.

The reality is that 1 in 5 people in the US has an STI, and many don't know it because they're asymptomatic. That's why testing is so important—and why having this conversation is a sign of respect, not suspicion.

Why This Conversation Matters

Before we dive into the "how," let's talk about the "why":

• Health protection: Both of you deserve to make informed decisions about your sexual health
• Trust building: Openness about testing creates a foundation of honesty
• Responsibility: Asking shows you care about both your health and theirs
• Normalization: Every time you have this conversation, you help reduce STI stigma

The Perfect Timing: When to Bring It Up

Don't wait until you're already naked. Bring it up before sexual activity, ideally when you're:

• Texting or messaging after establishing mutual interest
• On a date before heading home together
• Having a conversation about exclusivity or relationship status
• Making plans to be intimate

The Exact Phrases That Work

Here are proven conversation starters that feel natural, not clinical:

Option 1: Lead with Your Own Status

Why it works: You're sharing first, which makes you vulnerable and sets the tone. It's not accusatory—it's collaborative.

Option 2: Frame It as Mutual Responsibility

Why it works: You're positioning it as a shared action, not putting the burden on them.

Option 3: Normalize It Casually

Why it works: You're treating testing like brushing your teeth—routine and normal.

Option 4: Direct and Confident

Why it works: You're establishing a boundary and showing this is non-negotiable for you.

What to Ask About

Don't just ask "have you been tested?" Get specific:

• When were you last tested? (Recent testing is key)
• What were you tested for? (Not all tests include everything—HSV and HPV often aren't standard)
• What were the results? (All negative? Any positives to discuss?)
• Have you had any new partners since testing? (Window periods matter)
• What protection methods do you use? (Condoms, PrEP, etc.)

How to Handle Different Responses

If They Say: "I've never been tested"

Response: "No judgment—a lot of people haven't. Would you be willing to get tested before we have sex? We can go together if that makes it easier."

If They Say: "I tested positive for [STI]"

Response: "Thanks for being honest with me. Can you tell me more about your status, treatment, and what that means for transmission risk? Let's figure out how we can have fun together safely."

If They Say: "That's so awkward to talk about"

Response: "I get it! But I think having awkward conversations now is better than dealing with infections later. Plus, if we can't talk about testing, how will we communicate about sex itself?"

If They Get Defensive

Response: "I'm not accusing you of anything—I ask everyone I'm intimate with. This is about both of us making informed choices about our health."

After the Conversation: Next Steps

Once you've had the talk:

1. Decide on testing together - Make it a shared activity if neither of you has recent results
2. Discuss protection methods - Condoms, PrEP, other barriers
3. Plan follow-up testing - Agree to test regularly (every 3-6 months for sexually active people)
4. Celebrate the trust - Acknowledge that you both handled a tough conversation like adults

Remember: This Conversation is a Sign of Respect

Anyone who makes you feel bad for prioritizing your sexual health isn't someone you should be sleeping with. Period.

The people worth your time will:

• ✅ Appreciate your honesty
• ✅ Answer your questions directly
• ✅ Be willing to get tested if they haven't recently
• ✅ Discuss protection methods openly
• ✅ Thank you for bringing it up

Having this conversation doesn't kill the mood—it builds trust, shows maturity, and sets the stage for better sex. Because the hottest thing you can do? Care about both your health and your partner's.